February 19, 2019

Pastor Holy Joe


Hey leader of the frock that was a rock, a role model all could aspire to, outstanding member of the community,  mr. family man with the devoted wife and two and a half kids...pastor role model, he spoke in tongues or so they say and he spoke a lot of dung when I heard him and he said the Easter Bunny was evil and blamed electric for the ills of this sinful world in one of his fire and brimstone sermons that went on and on and on and on for an eternity burning in hell...not only was the devil in the details according to him, but the devil was everywhere...behind every building, tree, under every rock, inside every red blooded human...the bewildered and the naive good-hearted believed and couldn’t do enough for him and his little church The Holy Name of the Beloved Dollar or whatever it was called, located inside a double wide just off a dirt road between two cypress trees covered in moss that hangs down low and that probably wish they’d been left the hell alone...plush red pews that radiated religion and purity the good news of the book—twisted and mangled into whatever shape benefitted his viewpoint but of course he wasn’t the first or the last....the ubiquitous Sunday school with the Stepford wives and their plastic smiles and vacant eyes that saw nothing...he was quick to point out faults of others—the real and the imagined but slow to recognize his own shortcomings...imagine that...anyone that doubted him was seen by him as someone who had strayed from the flock and needed a good shearing to get back in line...lightning and thunder, thunder and lightning from the pulpit and plenty of come to god moments...all day Sunday the service would go with the occasional dinner afterwards consisting of cheap corn dogs, potato chips, and buckets of sweet tea to wash down the food and all the bullshit they were fed...he was a human 8-ball that had all the answers even when he wasn’t asked the questions and was about as accurate, but of course he would resent being compared to something he would surely consider “the devil’s work”...this guy used to do a radio show on some local Hispanic station and gave advice and pretended to be a ‘life coach’...well, one day I drove by and saw a for sale sign in front of the building and figured he must have gotten someplace bigger, but NOOOOOOOO!...the neighbor who used to go there said he ran off to New York or New Jersey with a young girlfriend he was keeping on the sly that old sly dog, that hypocrite...quite a shock to his wife, his kids, and the congregation after he ran off with the young assistant who worked with him at the church and always had on the tight skirts and blouses...rumor has it that some of the collection plate money might have been used to ‘take care’ of the mistress in question...i’m sure the congregation and the elders brought over some comfort food for the good wife and the kids afterwards...and then found a new leader that they could believe in...meanwhile pastor holy joe absconded with a good chunk of the church money and last I heard they were still looking for mr. holy joe and his christian values and his hot girlfriend...no surprise to me there...nor am I surprised when other churches wind up in the news when accusations and a whole kind of sensation revelation are made against the ‘youth pastor’ who turns out to be a child molestor and once again the people at the church are ‘shocked’...they can’t believe that could happen...and gee, he always loved to work with kids...i wonder why???