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August 13, 2018

Looking For You

I am looking for you...I’ve always looked for you and I’m still every bar I’ve ever been in between downing some 110 proof...or in a million other places...the problem is life don’t come with no treasure map to show you where to get the good X marks the spot...but maybe you will walk in out of the rain one dreary afternoon shaking the drops off of your raincoat...maybe you’ll just come in and take a seat at the far end of the bar and we’ll just know as soon as we see each other?...can I buy you a drink?...sit down and let’s talk for awhile...we can sit in the booth in the corner, or even better, go somewhere that isn’t so damn depressing...I know a couple of nice places...I’m really not so bad, a little worn around the edges maybe...maybe you’ve got a little baggage you’re carrying around but that’s alright...we might be down but we’re not out...could it be you’re that one coming around the corner of the cracked and broken sidewalk...our eyes will meet and shake hands and go to the local coffee joint to get to know each other...we can talk about Monet and impressionism, or Chopin or Rachmaninov, or whatever you rush, we got all night...I’m in no hurry...or are you the one that’s squeezing those tomatoes at the all night market...some nights I pretend you’re picking them out to take home and make some spaghetti for the two of us in your cozy apartment that rattles when the train rumbles by...shall I pick out the wine?...I don’t know much about wine but I’ll give it a try...or maybe I’ll make one of my special homemade pizzas or that delicious chicken parmigiana I can whip up in no time...can you be the lonely looking one riding the train back from downtown after a long day...staring out the window and looking at nothing...faceless people getting off into faceless towns...maybe you’re lonely too just like me...waiting for your stop and then the long walk into the biting wind to the parking lot and the silent forlorn drive home past the crumbling neighborhoods with the little, dirty faced kids playing in the streets and the bigger kids throwing an old basketball at a hoop with no net...the whole scene decked out and painted a grim shade of grime...that’s the only good thing about the snow in cover up all the ugly, and least for a little while and everything is a virginal sort of white...or maybe you’re the one I see at the movies all the time...sitting by yourself and maybe like so many other lost souls, sitting in the darkness and cool of the theatre...disappearing into the screen...losing yourself in the film and running away from all the crap in real life at least for a couple of hours...lost and lonesome among a supporting cast of millions...unsure of your cue, unsure of your lines...always out of the spotlight and the audience unable to hear your desperate words...maybe you’ve got that deep ache in your heart or your soul...that nagging hurt that just won’t go away no matter how much booze you drink and keeps elbowing you in the side when you’re trying to sleep...or how many times you wanna scream “Fuck everybody” to nobody in particular...are you my angel?...will you watch over out for me...cook for me once in awhile...hold me when I’ve got the shakes...tell me it’s gonna be alright when I’m ready to crumble?... I’ll be there for you too when it’s raining too hard or snowing too much, or when the winds of this wonderful life feel like a butchers knife trying to slice right through you...we can be there for each other, united we stand...maybe someday, maybe never.