January 20, 2019

100,000 Teardrops


Go out for a walk under the pointy stars which aren’t pointy at all probably and they might not even be there anymore cause it takes so long for the light from them to get to earth...I think...I’m trying to remember my science class lessons...but there are all these stars who are spying on me, watching every move I make and and every moment I fake something or other to get by--sometimes it’s an attitude, sometimes an accent--British, German, Russian...just for the hell of it...I gave up caring about trying to please people or act ‘normal’ for them...and sometimes it’s pretending to care or paying attention when I don’t give a damn and I just wanna go to sleep and get away from wherever I am... and maybe they are resting up there in the vastness of the universe and trying to tell me something but I don’t know what...the night is dark and I look at it up close and see a thousand eyes staring back at me--the Earth spinning and the universe keeping everything in balance juggling the planets and the moons and the comets and the asteroids--I lose my balance and my legs are weak with awe and beauty and they give way and I fall into the grass wet with the dew of a hundred thousand teardrops cried by the clouds an hour ago...my shirt soaking through but I don’t care as I lay and look at the heavens or some such thing...the trees wave to me in the soft breeze that breathes on me and whispers in my ear...I lay prone on the grass--prone to being a romantic, prone to being a mystic, prone to be prone--prone to caring too much and caring too little and wanting all good to come to the world...and prone and alone to moan about getting all pessimistic and cold and indifferent to all--a globe full of meanness by mean people...a snowglobe from the dollar store or from the expensive shop at the airport where it’s duty-free and a snowglobe where everything shakes up and is out of control and you just never know where those snowflakes are gonna fall...but for now I’m just laying and praying and staying here the rest of the night...a soft drizzle begins to fall as the rainclouds return but they don’t spoil my evening none---I just lay here, I’m wet already----the rain is cool and the wet cools me off from whatever heated up condition I was in and the drops are like a sauve that makes everything all right...I hear dogs barking a long way off in the magical world of the night, I hear owls hooting in some big tree with big branches and big leaves and I envy all of them for theirs is a world of simplicity///no complications, just do what nature intended them to do and no made up bullshit that humans invented for what they call life...I can hear the melodic jazz from the clubs downtown///the notes just flying into the air and resting on my ears even though I can’t really hear them except in my open mind because I’m a long long way from downtown...a car with little white and red lights passes by the road near me and I wonder if they’ve seen me and might think I’m some drunk passed out, or some victim of some crime--but they keep going and I’m so thankful that they didn’t see me or didn’t care...before I fall asleep in this splendor, I decide I better get up and try to make my way home so I struggle to my feet and stagger to a pine tree that I give a big hug to and I’ve been meaning to do that for a while...I tell it goodnight and my evening revelation concludes.

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