Welcome to my place...make yourself at home...you can put the beer you brought in the fridge...oh, you didn’t bring any...or some scotch and vodka on the table...but you didn't bring any of that either...I’ve put up some new cobwebs that compliment the rest of my decorating and my house is looking like the one on ‘The Munsters’ but not quite as nice...as you can see I’ve done some redecorating since the last time you came over and drank all the cold beer in the fridge and ate the last of the pizza...thanks for that by the way…I ‘found’ some paint at a construction site that didn’t look like it was being used and redid the walls in my living room to a nicer color of faded...it covers up the cracks and the wet spots and stains on the wall...that real nice leather chair you’re sitting in, I got for free...somebody was giving it away...I had to hustle for it because a storm was about to hit...I got it in my pickup somehow by myself and just made it home and got it inside before the rain poured like the salt on the Morton Salt label and it rained...rain, salt, pepper, nutmeg, cumin...the little recliner thing is broke and the chair sits a little crooked but hey, it was free...and I don’t have the few hundred bucks to go buy a new one...the loveseat I’m sitting on was sitting at the curb one when I drove by from work late one night and I stealthly snuck by with my pickup truck and a friend and loaded it up and took it home...of course since the people were getting rid of it, they probably didn’t care if I took it or not but I always feel a little guilty or a little like a thief when I’m hauling it away...it’s got a couple of rips but it’s better than what I had...I could get it reupholstered but that’s too much work so I just threw a beach towel on it that somebody got me when they went to Guatemala...really?...who goes to Guatemala?...I mean for legitimate reasons...I don’t go to the beach much so it made a perfect cover to hide the rips...the outside of the seat is a little dirty too but I’m not the cleanest person in the world so what difference should that make?...now I just need somebody special to share it with...it is a loveseat after all...I also got that throw rug on the floor when the renters next door moved out and were throwing out the throw rug with the trash...I sprayed it down with some bug spray just in case...some of the other furniture I got was from Goodwill...they didn’t want it, so I did some dumpster diving and with a little work found a couple of other pieces I could use...all this new decorating and it didn’t cost me a penny...if that’s not smart shopping, I don’t know what is...I mean if I don’t get all this stuff for free or dirt cheap, how am I going to be able to keep my liquor cabinet full?... it’s all about having your priorities straight.
