December 12, 2018

I'm The Captain


I’ve had a lot of jobs in my time and none of them were anything I was ever proud of or that I’d admit to...oh yeah, I load boxes all day in a warehouse...no thanks...I’ve had a lot of blue collar jobs, bluer than most...workin’ for the man every night and day for a few dollars to scratch out a life on...but there is one thing I would like to admit to...I’d like to be a fishing boat charter captain...that just sounds badass to use the vernacular of the day...everyone’s a badass, everything’s badass...blah, blah, blah...badass, badass...but I’d like to captain a boat, maybe run one out of Key West or Sarasota...now that would be badass if I say so myself and I do...or anywhere else where the water stretches out and gives rise to the dream that men have dreamed for thousands of years...the sea makes you feel alive...Jacques Cousteau said that ‘The sea once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever”...and I can believe that...once your out on the sea, you don’t want to be back on the land...at least not for long...I wouldn’t take any crap from anybody either...it would be my boat, my rules...just take people out to the best spots and let them do their thing for the day, and no I’m not helping you bait your fishing rod...in between trips I’d be banging on my typewriter in some oceanside bungalow with a thatched hut with a window that I could see the full moon shining over the ocean...just glowing and looking like a giant flashlight that somebody was holding up in the sky and looking down at me...and then slowly drifting across the darkness...listening to the big old palm trees shhhhhhh and whisssssshhhh in the tropical winds...of course I’d be writing a great epic...ok, in reality my laptop...some story about the sea or the men who sail it...Hemingway-esque I’m sure...and even it wasn’t, it would be cool to go through the motions of it...what a lifestyle that would be...now I’ve been on a few boats in my time, nothing particularly large, I mean except for a couple of cruises I’ve taken to the Bahamas and Grand Cayman and one to Mexico...but those don’t really count...never was a captain though...it would be nice to be the boss, calling the shots...that’s right, I call the shots...reassuring people that we’ll avoid the swells from an oncoming hurricane and get back into port ok...now there’s a lot of people who just want to go out to do some drinking and the fishing is incidental...that’s ok...some out there just to drink and live the good life, for an afternoon anyway...and some out there hanging over the side of the boat...that’s what happened to a bunch of my friends once...they paid good money to go on a fishing charter and then would up drunk or sick or both...I could of told them that was going to happen...fortunately, I took a pass on that ‘adventure’...I’m sure a lot of people would be a pain in the ass because that’s what most people are...if they got too bothersome I’d  be tempted have them walk the plank and give the sharks their lunch...but boats that size don’t come with planks...too bad...or maybe keelhaul them...I’d just like to tell some nosy ass person “I’m a fishing boat captain” when they asked me how I made my living and then tell them to weigh anchor...that of course would be after I watched them curl up with envy like a frightened opossum when I told them I was a Captain...then I’d tell ‘em to avast and shove off...I dream of being out on the boat all day tasting the salt in the air and then coming home and drinking some copious amounts of rum...and working on my book...yeah, a job on the seas and a novelist ...it’s something to daydream about.

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