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July 14, 2018

Por Favor Mantengase Alejado de las Puertas

I just got back from a famous theme park, at least they tell me it is...don’t judge me...the only reason I was at this park was that there is a buddy who works there and he got me in for free...I figured it was an ok way to kill a day so why not?...people who I owe money to wouldn’t think of looking for me here...I’m not one much for themes but evidently a lot of people are...I think the biggest theme is spending copious amounts of money on crap...people paid a lot of money to get in and keep spending like drunken sailors...$12 hamburgers, $30 t-shirts and more overpriced junk...the stuff that ends up at the curbside for the trash man to take it bye-bye or the stuff that enlists in the Salvation Army before long...and then it goes MIA or AWOL...I  know about that...I’ve been there a few times myself...MIA or AWOL from life I don’t live in that kind of high rent district...and my stomach don’t agree with upside down rides and corporate manufactured ‘family fun’...but, I like to see how the other half lives so to speak, so I can see what I’m missing out on...or not missing at all...I swear some people must take out second mortgages on their houses to afford being there...taking little kids there that two or three years from now, won’t even remember they were there...kind of like being at Woodstock...I have friends who had to read a book or watch a movie to find out what happened...I knew that the drinks would be too thick for my thin wallet, so I filled up a couple of water bottles with vodka and slipped it by the minimum wage security officers who are content just to look the part and pretend they’re important...inside there’s families with screaming kids and after paying that much, they were going to have a goddamn good time no matter what...I sure as hell couldn’t afford to buy much...I just sat around sipping my bottle and getting plastered little by little which made the whole afternoon more palatable...I was walking around some and looking for shady spots to sit...I kept thinking somebody was going to catch on to me and test my ‘water’ bottle, but nobody did...and I kept making for the gift shops...not to buy anything, but to get in the air conditioning and keep my brain from melting...what with the vodka and all, I was actually starting to enjoy myself...especially when it began to rain...I just sat there with my bottle and enjoyed the cool raindrops and eventually the pouring rain while it ruined other people’s afternoons...after awhile, I grew tired of the strollers, and the screaming kids, and the parents who figured if they yelled loud enough, their darling kiddies a.k.a. the little beasts would listen...I took the shuttle back to the parking lot and listened to it giving all the instructions such as the doors would be closing and the shuttle would be departing momentarily...actually, the shuttle was the best part of the day...I rode it back and forth a few times for the hell of it…”por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas...please stand clear of the doors”...I could swear the departing announcement also said “Please put all remaining money in the receptacles provided” wouldn’t surprise me if it did...I put any remaining vodka in a receptacle, and that amounted to a couple of drops...of course by this time I think I had a case of heatstroke and vodkastroke and I may not have been hearing too well...I know I wasn’t seeing too well by then.